Post Christmas Oxford Circus Sales: A Review

I've just got back from a stint of post work bargain hunting. In a bit of a panic I hit Oxford Street for some 'Black Tie' related stuff. It turns out that when my office relaxed the dress code, and then refused to take me to task about my relaxed interpretation of the dress code, all my serious job clothes have turned to dust and got replaced with tight little jumpers & colourful shoes ("Okay, the sash is about two things, firstly, I'm not customer facing. Secondly - freedom").

I hit Oxford Street in a mad dash for a New Years triumph, I mean I do have a black tie, but I think I buried relatives in it. So I don't want to take that vibe into 2009, that'll be maudlin enough thank you ("Well, it wasn't exactly rape, but it was in a grey area" - shh, leave that all in '08).

First off, Topman. I got a fair old chunk of Vietnamese finery in there, including a skinny black tie and some trainers, I literally don't need. A couple of observations though, Topman only does clothing in three sizes. These are three sizes that might as well be the Hindu Caste system, 'XXS', 'S' & 'Fuck YOU, you're a disgrace'. I had a lovely chat with a camp chap who worked there and apparently he gets a week off in January as a reward. It didn't sound that bad but he had a look in his eye that broke my heart. Put all my petty bullshit into perspective, he looked liked Beirut. Although instead of massacres his horror was all those paper bits they use to stuff the shoes. A mountain of them... so senseless.

After that it was straight across the road to River Island. The main, instant visible difference between the two outlets? About a stone and a half per sales assistant. The Topman crowd have this whole 'Beautiful People' vibe but when you're in River Island a part of you is also in the Harlequin Centre, Watford. It's a bit grim. That said, I did get myself some crimson pumps. It's almost as if I can't be happy unless I look exactly like Gene Wilder in Willy Wonker (i.e. "Hi, I've just moved into the area... I'm on a certain list you may have heard of").

Then, Uniqlo, which was shut. How arrogant. No seriously, I really wanted some 'Heat Tech' clothing.