Okay,
Let's drop some of the niceties. I read something the other day, not something I'd usually pick up or read. I wasn't in a waiting room, I wasn't waiting to have an interview with the bank manager. I was trying to look down a cleavage on the underground.
Let's stop pretending that this lovely little tea party, the one where we all pretend to respect each other and know what the word 'platonic' means, is where we really want to be. We're all sweaty, perverted monsters, as Bernie Mac says in 'Bad Santa', it's Darwinian.
Anyway, I was trying to look at a bra, my commute was gruesome. I deserved it. However, it wasn't happening, I couldn't crane my head any further, it'd looked a bit improper so I had to settle by having a little read over her shoulder. It was More magazine, not my preferred read but the heading caught my eye.
'9 Ways to spice up you sex life'. This was written for women, meaning that it was 9 tips to make the experience more pleasurable for the man. I couldn't believe what I was reading...9?! I couldn't understand it. Neither could Lee, we had a sit down and thrashed out some specifics (he's also married, so I'm not sure if that closes or opens some sex doors).
All we could come up with were the three below:
- Do it dead hard, till it hurts a bit.
- Up the bum.
& finally:
3. Spit on it.
2 comments:
4. Do it with that weird neighbour, letting your partner watch.
5. Get the dog involved
6. Put up loads of pictures of body building men and women up all over the bedroom
I realize this is the least of things that I should be commenting on in this post, but when you wrote "he's also married" readers might take this to mean you are as well. For future posts, I'd clarify that Lee alone is enjoying wedded bliss.
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