Gordon Brown’s had a tough few weeks, there’s no denying that. Apparently the odds aren’t that great that he’ll be the Prime Minister by the weekend. He’s even taken to giving press conferences without a belt or shoe laces, looking forlornly out of the window trying to catch site of Albion.
Is it too late for him to claw back his leadership when he’s facing attacks internally and externally? It’s definitely touch and go and we all know that no amount of Alan Sugar will make the situation any sweeter. People don’t want to hear about the Prime Minister’s concern for the singing potato, Susan Boyle either – tell us more about the chap who claimed for a moat.
Here are three tips to Gordon Brown if he wants to last the night out:
1. Master the smile. He never seems to have grasped the concept of the smile I know he grew up in Scotland but this is ridiculous. It wasn’t made apparent until he was stood next to Barack ‘the zillion watt smile’ Obama at the G20 summit. If he want’s people to like him simply try and smile without looking like you’re trying to relearn it after an accident.
2. Stop talking about celebrities. As already mentioned, appointing Alan Sugar is a gross error. His appointment as business czar isn’t necessarily the way to go about it (I’m fairly sure a large proportion of the county must watch The Apprentice and think he’s a cunt). Also, 'the people' aren’t that endeared to Susan Boyle, we like watching her yes, but in the same way we’d be fascinated by the discovery of a hairless calf with one eye screaming “kill me”.
3. The easiest quick fix solution, it’s been staring at him in the mirror all along, like a sad looking marble. Simply pop out the eye and wear a patch and for added affect wear some dark velvet gloves. No one will fuck with the Neo Pimpernel.
