introversial

(Pictured: Louie Walsh rumoured to be spending a lot of time in Millets)



I swear,

If Eoghan Quigg (pronounced 'Eegohan Queeeeeeg' in a dry monotone voice) wins X Factor I'm quitting this country. Poor little, in the danger area for a mid 20's man, Diana Vickers got voted off last night & it's all getting too much. I thought she'd win it, hands down. it was almost like they shouldn't have bothered unpacking the tiny Gary Barlow from JLS.

Then what happened? Saturday night & the X Factor got torn wide open. Although unlike Ruth "This isn't the last you've seen of me!" Lorenzo, I do think Diana has the potential to do more than the X Factor. More often than not winning isn't the greatest thing. Leona Lewis has done alright, but they put her away in a box for a year so everyone forgot she was on that miscarriage of Reith.

Now, my favourite to win is going to have to be Alexandra, then JLS. There was a point of contention between me & my boss last week when I pointed out that Eoghan "Go on, just touch it for a second...please" Quigg would not grow into an attractive adult. He'll grow into a normal looking sort of chap but not a pop star. Possibly he'll be the best looking lad where he works, but that'll be on the sales floor at Dixons.

I reckon I may not actually finish with this country if he wins. I may just turn off the television, pick up a book & possibly try to learn French or something.

Also, after watching about 30 Seconds of Timmy Mallet on I'm a celebrity get me out of here, I've decided that I need to complete a definitive account of Timmy's personal life. I'd spend some time with him, travel the country with him visiting universities & taking the receipts he found in Tescos car park & desperately trying to get the club card points. Then we'd become so ingratiated in each others lives, I'd make him hate his odd friends & he'd show up at my house for the family Christmas and make dead sly comments about my mums gravy.

Then I reckon It'd ultimately end in a weird, quasi sexual mix between Whack-a-Day & The Deer Hunter.

(Mallet, the highs are high, but the lows will break your fuckin' heart)