The State of the Nation

I'm terrified,

I don't know exactly when it happened or what changed to make it so but something has gone very wrong with Britain. It seems like we're only a radical new fashion trend away from living in A Clockwork Orange, a dash of the old ultraviolence has become fairly commonplace. Yesterday I read about some poor chap who fell asleep on public transport, which can happen, only he didn't wake up at Cockfosters and think "Shit, now I'll have to get the N29 back". No, he woke up on fire.

Some hoodlums, teenagers in hoodies had set him alight while he was having a little nap. It's genuinely horrifying, I'm of the same cloth, get me a couple of after work beers, slightly warm, possibly a flapjack and I'm sound asleep. A bit like a 13 stone Northern hamster. Who'd set a hamster on fire? Lunatic kids, that's who. Maybe if they'd eaten something a little better than burger meals for the last decade they'd be semi-functioning members of society but no, all those e numbers have made them equate a sleeping commuter with an annoying bit of tinder.

On this subject, what's with people carrying knives around. Now I can imagine that it feels awesome. I've often thought that some situations could be resolved better with a small weapon, probably a revolver ("This is what you want Nicky? I Love you"). We went to The Roundhouse in Camden to watch the Mexican Wrestling and some Recruitment Consultants (the filth of humanity) kept pushing in front of us. I reckon that Samantha (44 Mag) would get us the best seats in the house. However, I also realise that these are the impotent thoughts of a man who avoids confrontation at all costs.

Talking this through with some friends I decided England had gone to hell in a hand basket and it would probably be best to opt out at some point. However, we decided that it's not the worst place on the planet. Sure, there is a chance that if you say the words "Excuse me, there is a queue here", you do run the risk of getting hacked to death mercilessly by an N Dub but Jesus, at least it's a queue to a Pret.