Theatreland

I ventured into Theatreland today. I never have before, but today I dipped my toe into the part of London I have always thought of as bit 'fruity'.

It's a strange world, the theatre. A world of grease paint, of curtains, of drama, of comedy. A world of laughter, of tears, of showmen and of elderly homosexuals in make-up.

I didn't see a show nor did I act. No, I just bought some tickets for a friend's visiting sister. She wanted to see a) Dirty Dancing or b) Lion King, so I offered to pop down and buy them.

When I asked for the tickets, I was offered "restricted view" tickets to Dirty Dancing for just £52 each, or a "full view" for £64.

Now I thought every ticket to a play, or for anything for that matter was a "full view" ticket. I didn't know that a proportion of theaters had 'shit' seats. Like at school where if you got in last you had to sit next to the smelly, weird kid who blatantly couldn't wipe his own arse and smelt like marmite all the time.

So this meant for £52 each they could almost see the play. For £64 each they could see all the play. That's a discount of nearly 20% - but is it restricted by nearly 20%? It would help if they gave brief explanations of how 'restricted' the seat is:

£64 - full view. 

£58 - just sort of behind a pillar, won't really piss you off, you might tut a bit to begin with. 

£52 - it'll piss you off a bit, your neck will hurt from straining and at one point you will whisper 'I can't see a bloody thing'. 

£37 - this seat is shit. You can't see a fucking thing. You'll probably walk out half way through.

It's like going into a restaurant and being told half your meal is inedible. Would you still pay nearly full price if the waiter told you the chef had wiped his balls on nearly 20% of the steak?

I opted for Lion King "full view" tickets. Least that way, if it's shit, they will know first hand.