21st century disorder

Lady Greenfield, professor of synaptic pharmacology at Lincoln college, Oxford, and director of the Royal Institution, is warning that social networking runs the risk of making people: "devoid of cohesive narrative and long-term significance."

"As a consequence," she adds, "the mid-21st century mind might almost be infantilised, characterised by short attention spans, sensationalism, inability to empathise and a shaky sense of identity."

God, the future sounds grim. I mean it's quite like this already; there are people in my office who have all these traits, plus a really loud voice.

But taking a step back, aren't we already like this? I mean I don't like reading anything longer than a pamphlet, I lie about celebrities constantly (really, ask me about what Cliff Richard does on holiday) and I don't care about almost everyone. I also have a very shaky sense of identity. Well I spelt my name wrong recently.

Maybe I am already one of the first victims of the Internet? Maybe my brain is too far gone, my life just a series of Twitters and YouTube clips of monkey masturbation. Soon we will just be reading electronic copies of Jade Magazine, named in honour of St Jade of celebrity, Facebooking about Zack Efron's nipple extensions and filming ourselves blogging about Bebo. We will define ourselves by our status, Google will tell us when we can shit and Apple will fight Microsoft in a vicious robot war in space. We will pray to the Gods of the little broadband indicator in the top corner of the screen, ordering Ebay vouchers off of Amazon and Skyping all our followers on webcam. 

Or maybe not. Maybe Lady Greenfield should realise people always have been self-loathing, egotistical, vain, stupid, naive twats, it's not the Internet's fault.