26/05/2009

Politics, Performed in style of John Hegley

Gore-den Braun
As in Eva Braun, Hitler’s Bird
Small with blond hair
I bet she wore real fur
A tenuous link to Margret Thatcher*
Apparently she wasn’t that good at her job, Sir**

*Pronounced ‘Fat-Churgh’ to tie in with the above line.

** I was born in ’84; I’ve heard she stole milk and something about the Falklands, can’t say I’m that clued up. It’s embarrassing really.

Pie Rate

He saw that I’d stopped eating my pie
I tried to stay cool
But we both knew I’d noticed he only had one eye

25/05/2009

‘I like my women like I like my coffee…’

Me & Lee were messing around the other day (As in word play, not “God, my wife must never know of our forbidden love”) and came up with a few different takes on the old “I like my women like I like my coffee…” setup. For your information we’ll be coming soon to a Working Men’s Club near you, as this line seems to intrinsically lead you down a misogynistic/racist one way street:

I like my women like I like my coffee…

Ideally not fully of semen.
White and cold to the touch…
Slow roasted.
Immediately after a game of rummy.
Thrown against a wall.

Yeah, I think there’s a reason this sort of joke has died out a bit. Either that or I’m just a massive bigot.